It would be a convoluted post if I tried to explain how I got into this conversation, so to make the story short we were talking about how my husband thinks that atheists are assholes and that was when he clarified. "Yeah, I think atheists are assholes, but you aren't understanding...I think all people are assholes."
In a nutshell: People are terrible unreliable assholes. Eventually, they will say or do something that will hurt you. It is only a matter of time. There are those with higher levels of asshole-dom in that they will say something to disparage another person's beliefs or opinions. Atheists are assholes, but at least they don't have a believe system that says they should be nice. Christians are the worst kinds of assholes because they have a belief system that commands them to love people unconditionally...and they don't. So the contempt he has for asshole atheists is nothing compared to his feelings in regards to asshole Christians.
Here is the saddest part though, this quickly turned into a discussion about not trusting people. He doesn't trust people. It's the reason why when I came out as an atheist, his first impression was that I had lied to him. Now, before you get the wrong idea, my husband's trust issues are well-founded. His first wife was cheating on him before and after they were married. A roommate who he moved to another state with just up and moved out without any notice. People who claimed to be his friends disappeared when he disagreed with things that should not be factors in a friendship. A pastor kicked him out of a church because the girl he was dating admitted that they had been having sex outside of marriage. She claimed she was sorry, but since he didn't suffer from guilt, he was forced out. (never mind he had already moved away months earlier) His parents are manipulative assholes who still make fun of his weight and do things like not buy us presents because we won't stay with them when we visit. He has some really legit reasons to not trust people. He has a cousin who regularly teases him about how someone who looks like him (in her opinion, ugly) got a girl who looks like me (pretty).
For me, trust isn't a yes or no issue, it is more on a 10-point scale. For example: My sister-in-law would get a five, possibly even a four. I trust her to be there for me if I was in the hospital or if I needed help, after all she organized my bridal shower since I didn't have any bridesmaids. On the other hand I know she talks about me behind my back and would probably not be very gracious or understanding if I told her I was an atheist. In fact, I am pretty sure she would give me her very honest Christian opinion with as much kindness as she could muster, which would not be much. My mother barely ranks above her, but does have that unconditional love of her child to give her a bit of a trust boost. My best friend gets a nine. He has proved himself to be a true friend over and over again. The only time he hurt me, he was beyond apologetic and has been the next fifteen years being awesome. The only reason he doesn't get a ten is because of his habit of not showing up to things sometimes and going incommunicae for weeks at a time. My husband probably gets a nine too and the reason being our recent problems where I don't trust to talk to him about some things. I have a friend who lives across the country who gets a full ten. Even when I was the duschiest Christian, blabbering on about virgin brides and God, she never spoke a word against it. She was the first person I told about my deconversion and her response was caring, kind, and exactly how I thought she would be. On this ten-point scale, people who are not family who dip below a five on the trust scale will be excommunicated from my friend's circle. Those people are clearly untrustworthy and should not be my friends. Talking about me behind my back, creating drama, not showing up, constantly cancelling plans, obviously not wanting to talk to me, manipulation, and unreliability are instantly curtailed.
Let's be honest here though, when it comes to friendships and even family, I have not dealt with some of the crappy people my husband has. As a child and teen I dealt with some bullies and crappy friends, but I caught on quickly and eventually I learned how to not make friends with people like that. It does mean that I am a few friends short of a full compliment, but I would rather have three friends who are an 8+ on my trust scale than a plethora of people that I'm not sure I can trust. My husband, in a sense of misguided (in my opinion) loyalty remains friends with people who are horrible human beings and don't deserve a friend like him.
I so badly want to go out and punch all those wannabee asshole friends in the throat for taking such a good, generous, kind many and making him into a cynical person who would rather have no friends than be hurt again. Those people don't deserve friends. They deserve to be lonely sad sacks of assholery. Instead it is the nice guy who has the trust issues and they continue on their way, unaware of the carnage they have left in their wake.
And the worst is that most of these people belong to a religion that commands them to love people as they love themselves. People aren't perfect, but if you are going to claim a religion as the guideline to your life, you need to at least follow its most important rule.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.