The passing of an abortion bill in New York has brought the anti-abortion fanatics out by the droves. Now, I am aware that the bill is really defining late term abortions, something that the data shows happens in only 1% of abortions and only in the most extreme cases. Not only that, but they are terribly expensive and there are a million hoops to jump through. The parents who decide to follow through with a late term abortion are mourning deeply the loss of a much wanted child, rather than the image that anti-abortionists paint of people using it as a form of birth control. Although there are certainly irresponsible people out there that have gotten knocked up one too many times (along with the subsequent abortions) for anyone's comfort, this is certainly not the case for late term abortions.
Do you think anti-abortion proponents care at all about this? If you guessed no, then you would be correct. They are well aware of the stories of fetus' with all their organs growing outside of their bodies who will never be able to survive outside the womb. And they don't care. They share stories about women who decided to carry their non-viable child to term, knowing the baby would die upon arrival. Those women being so anti-abortion bask in their choice. I applaud their choice. That's a hard thing to do. My problem lies in that these same people have decided that because they made that choice, everyone should. Sure, they got to hold their full-term baby and watched it die in their arms, therefore this is what is right for everyone. And I know doctors get it wrong sometimes too. We have all heard the stories of doctors encouraging abortions saying the child will be a vegetable, only for the child to come out and only have some minor difficulties. Of course, no one is sharing the stories of the babies born who are vegetables. I'm part of a special needs group on social media and these parents often vent about how people are so insistent that their children are just perfect. All of them have stated that if they could remove the disability their child suffers, particularly the ones that mean their children will never grow up, they would do so in a heartbeat. Some have expressed that although they adore their child and will fight to the death for them, they also aren't against the idea of people aborting fetus' with the same affliction because it is hard raising special needs kids. It just is. Of course, the religious see disability as some kind of extra special blessing that they have to endure. I am NOT saying that people should abort those fetuses. I very much don't like the idea that people abort fetus' who aren't perfect or have minor health issues. What I am saying is that that should be their choice. A pastor at my old church had a son who had organs growing outside of his body, several holes in his heart, and would not survive outside the womb for long. They decided to carry to term, however they made it clear that they were not actually against an abortion and that the decision had been agonizing. They decided that for them, they needed the closure of meeting this baby and neither the mom nor the fetus were in medical distress. The baby lived for three days. They took him home and loved on him and took pictures with him. He looked so perfect. But they made sure to tell the church that although they have always been fairly anti-abortion in the past, this incident change them. They realized now how agonizing and terrible of a decision it was and that they would never fault anyone who chose to abort. No one, not even me, could understand what a horrible decision that is unless they are making it. If you are devoutly anti-abortion, you will of course make an expected decision. You have that right. I am so sick of seeing these stories being passed around though that are supposed to make the reader believe that this is the only and right choice. That to do anything less is sinful and playing god. I can't imagine how much this harms women who have had to make that awful choice too. Here she had to make a terrible decision and you constantly remind her what a piece of shit she is for doing it. Christians offer the added bonus of "salvation", which promises redemption by constantly reminding you what a piece of shit you were before said salvation. I can't imagine what the church must feel like if you came to it later in life, full of "sinful" things you did in your past. I know several people who talk about what pieces of trash they were before Christ. Of course, they weren't really, just regular humans trying to figure out who they were, but the church doesn't spin it that way, so piece of trash you are. Then again, if you did enough terrible things you'll be touted in news stories as having an amazing testimony, so hey, silver lining. *sarcasm* This is a bit of a ramble rant and I'm writing while lying sick in bed, so if it doesn't make as much sense as some of my other posts, just remember....you chose to read it.
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"Whenever I disagree with you, I just pray that God changes your heart." I originally started writing a post based on the above words spoken by my mother. At first I was offended because it suggested that there was something wrong with my thoughts and opinions. But then I realized that I kind of felt the same way about my mother, so it was hypocritical of me to be upset about it. I DO wish my mother would change. I love the fact that there are several areas where she has already changed. The fact that my mother doesn't anoint her house with oil anymore, talk about demons incessantly, or complain about how everything is evil is huge. I also have a hard time imagining her without religion. It is so wrapped up in her core identity that I don't know who she would be without it. Her entire social life is centered around shared religion. Her backstory/testimony is about God's redemption in her life. As much as I would like her to change, I am at peace with the idea that she never will. That's probably one of the bigger differences I have with a lot of religious folks. I don't actually think people are capable of change. Now hear me out. This may be a matter of semantics, but I believe that people have intrinsic personalities, things that make them who they are. There is a good deal of science to back this up (this, this, and this). We are, after all, animals. Certain things we do are simply biological. All children lie, even if never shown how. Any parent will tell you that there are certain personality traits that show up in babies, some more worrying than others. As a young child I liked to perform, putting on little shows and plays for my parents. It isn't surprising that I tried my hand at theater, play violin, and love to show off my singing. What IS surprising is that although I love all of those things, I decided not to pursue them for a living because I learned that what I really needed was praise and I could get that through anything as long as I worked hard enough. Did I change? No. But I learned through experience that my needs could be fulfilled in other ways that also had the added bonus of not being as challenging. Being an actress is hard ya'll. "But you changed your mind about religion..." I can hear you thinking. Yes. I changed an opinion and belief that was taught to me from a young age. But my belief that Adam and Eve were once real people was not directly connected to my personality. Believing in ancient people doesn't make me any more or less talkative. Any more or less of a show off. However, there are some people whose religion intertwines with their personalities because they are the type of person to be susceptible to certain things. My brother-in-law *Heath is the perfect example of this. The man is intrinsically a suspicious and untrusting person. Because of this he is highly susceptible to conspiracy theories. He's also not very analytical by nature, so that also makes him more prone to believe certain things without evidence. Even if his opinions about religion were to change, I doubt he would be any less of a conspiracy theorist, the theories would just change to fit his new beliefs. So at the end of the day, I suspect that even if my mother wasn't a hardcore Evangelical Christian....she would be a hardcore Evangelical something else. Because that is who she is. I don't expect her heart to change because I don't think that is possible. And when she says she prays for me to change, I absolutely choose to believe that what she wants me to change is my opinions, not who I am. It makes it a little more bearable to deal with I think. One of the things that fundamentalist parents seem to fear more than anything is the influence of the "liberal" university. They rant and rail about it, using God's Not Dead as a manual for what their children (now turned adults) can expect in college. Some encourage only Christian colleges, refusing to pay if their child chooses some other type of school. Some, like most of my church friends when I was 18 and 19, just joined Christian clubs and created their own Christian bubbles within their universities. It's easy enough to do. None of them seem to know what an actual liberal college is like though. Let me tell you about my college. Emerson College. When I picked it, I chose it for it's major. One of the few in the country with a BA in the field I wanted to go into, publishing. Out of the six colleges in the US that offered this major, Emerson was the only one I had actually heard of. I knew nothing about the school. I didn't even visit before applying. I didn't care. They had the classes I wanted and although moving to Boston sounded terrifying, I was ready for some adventure. Now, I already had an associate's degree and once accepted, almost all my credits transferred over. My first introduction to my school was while I was standing outside the building, a Duck Boat tour group drove by and the tour guide said on the speaker, "This is Emerson College, where you are either gay or liberal, although probably both." I remember thinking, hmmm....I didn't see that on the College board site. No matter, I was much more progressive in my beliefs so being surrounded by gay people didn't bother me that much. It did concern me that people might be anti-Christian though. Back then I still thought that if you weren't a Christian, this must mean you are anti-Christian. Now, my school was absolutely very liberal, but at no point did anyone bash religion. There were a few sneers directed towards Republicans, but mostly mild complaining that moved on quickly. Professors rarely shared personal opinions and were quick to re-direct conversations that got too opinionated or rude. I took an ethics course and I cannot begin to tell you anything about the professor because he was so damned good at controlling the classroom and keeping the discussions on topic. That was also the class where I discovered that one could have strong moral opinions without resorting to the Bible. He didn't teach me that. I figured that out on my own. I took a Race and Discrimination course with another fabulous professor who focused on one type of discrimination each week. One week we would discuss Native Americans vs. Redskins and the next we were analyzing immigrants. I sat next to a girl who was super nice and during one particular class the professor asked us to write down something that we feared people finding out about us because of the stereotypes and prejudices surrounding them. Then we were to share these with our partner. I wrote down that I was a Christian, because I felt uncomfortable sharing that at such a liberal college. She wrote that she was a Lesbian, which she was afraid to share because of people like me. Holy shit was that a wake up call. You are afraid to tell me because of what I believe and I'm afraid to tell you because I know my beliefs come with some not nice things attached to it. That was something I learned from another student, not a professor and not in a way that was trying to erode my faith. One student in a writing course I was in, challenged my notions of corporal punishment. He argued that hitting children in any context was wrong. Morally reprehensible and abusive. That there are other successful ways of parenting and studies showed that it did more harm than good. This was the first time I really had to confront the idea that my parents, particularly my mom, were abusive in my childhood. I didn't want to think about them in that light because I loved them and am close to them, but that student sent me down a path where, after reading numerous studies, I have to agree. My parents were abusive. They weren't doing it because they disliked me or didn't love me, but they also did it out of anger and it crossed the line way too often. All of these revelations came from regular people in my classes. It is true that going to a non-Christian school and stepping outside my fundy bubble, I was then surrounded by people who challenged some of my opinions and beliefs. But none of them did it on purpose. My classmate didn't know that my parents spanked me. My other classmate didn't know I was Christian. They didn't really care either. But by being exposed to people who were different then me and also attending a church that was a lot more progressive then anything I had ever gone to, I grew a little bit more. I didn't become an atheist until nearly a decade later and I don't think I can contribute my loss of faith to my education. There is also a possibility that those things would have happened in a Christian setting too. The church I went to in Boston most certainly challenged my Christianity. For example: It was there that I realized how absolutely bat-shit crazy speaking in tongues actually is. That's when I stopped completely. Obviously, what the fundy parents are trying to do is stop thought and inquiry, but if your kid is curious enough and adventurous enough, I don't think there is any way to stop it. Disclaimer: I was an adult education student at Emerson College and did not experience the "normal" college experience. There is a high possibility that if I was a regular undergrad who lived in campus, my experience would have been very different. |
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