"Your mother is a bit worried about your soul," says my sister-in-law during one of our conversations, half laughing. I pause. What do I say. My brother and SIL have been really good for the past year or so. Lots of good positive change. But do I trust them enough to tell them I am an atheist now? Ultimate answer...no. "Well," I reply. "I tell people now that my spiritual life is something that is private. I don't really talk about that with people anymore." My SIL agrees with this and says that my mom thinks that anyone who doesn't agree with her and her viewpoints isn't a Christian anymore. This is true, although obviously her suspicions are correct. I am an atheist. And honestly, I've been dropping hints here and there for nearly seven years now. I thought for a while there that she wasn't ever going to catch on. I wondered how truly clueless was this woman. But I'm glad to see she isn't completely braindead in this area. She has picked up on the fact that I'm not believing the same things as her and may even not believe at all. Big bonus points to the fact that she hasn't said anything to me. Maybe there is hope there. My family isn't really the confrontational type. Not in an unhealthy way, but more in a they-mind-their-own-business kind of way. So it's possible that even if someone told them, they wouldn't say anything to me about it. Obviously my mother is telling other people though. It was a year ago when my friend D's mother said that she didn't want D to talk to me about her (the mother) because she didn't think I was "walking with the Lord.". I figured she must have been talking to my mother because I never talk to her so how else would she know that? Part of me is glad my mother kind of suspects. Another part of me is pissed because let's be really honest here....NOTHING has changed about me except that I don't go to church. I am the same person. I still care deeply for others, volunteer, foster kids, have a good marriage, visit family (pre-Covid), enjoy life, etc. There is literally nothing different about my life now except that I don't go to church. My views on politics started shifting away from hers when I was in my teens. We haven't agreed on things like abortion, women's rights, freedom of religion, etc. in two decades, long before I quit going to church. I was a progressive Christian long ago. So it is clear to me that her suspicions center around church attendance, which is some fucked up bullshit if you ask me.
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AuthorThis is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer. Archives
December 2020
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