"How many more times will you be singing at church?" my husband asked as we made chicken pot pie on Sunday. We had not gone to church that morning since I had no volunteer obligations.
"Four. Maybe five more times. Why?" I teased. "Tired of me getting up early on Sunday morning?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "Not that. Other reasons."
I looked at him for a second before continuing to cook. "Well, it won't be that much longer."
"We won't talk about the sermons anymore," he says.
I look at him again. This coming from the man who hasn't attended church in months and who relies fully on my recounting of the sermon when I go.
"But I know we will still talk about religion and stuff," he adds.
It was a brief conversation. One in which he was trying to convey his dissatisfaction with my lying. We had had another brief conversation the day before regarding what I was telling people about why I was leaving, especially since we aren't moving as far away as we thought we were going to in December. I'm using our upcoming adoption plans as an excuse. Truth be told, it is a very good one. We plan on adopting teenagers and my church has maybe three. If our kid wants to go to church, he or she isn't going to have a lot of friends at my current church. Or as I told the pastor, we know you are going to be supportive, but we need to find adoption support. It's a half-truth, but not a lie. My husband was actually okay with this. After all, it's not like he likes this church anyway.
Here's to hoping that once I leave the church, that sticking point will also leave and my husband and I can have more conversations about religion without that getting in the way. Side note, We synced our Amazon/Audible accounts this weekend and I discovered the following books in my husband's audio books: Pope Francis, The Memorable Thoughts of Socrates, God is Not Great, The Moral Landscape, The Fifth Agreement, and Practicing Mindfulness: An Introduction to Meditation. Yeah, I think my husband is struggling with his faith a bit too.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.