As of now, there are six people in my life who know of my deconversion. Today I told my best friend. Unlike other close friends and family or even my husband, I was not at all worried about telling him. In fact, I knew that of all the people he would probably be the most understanding and it wouldn't affect our friendship in any meaningful way. And so, with my husband sitting in the car, I let my best friend know all about it. The whys, the how longs, the whens. He was cool with it and even commented that in our seventeen year friendship he has always been amazed at my transformation as a person and it has always been for the better so he hopes hat this change will be the same. My husband was mostly silent and reitterated that he was still having a hard time with this. Sigh.
One of the interesting things about my non-religious revelations is how each person worries that I will become one of "those atheists." The stereotypical angry atheist who hates Christians and seeks to destroy all religion. It is the reason my husband has asked me to call myself agnostic, because to him being an atheist is just too much. There is too much negative associated with it. My best friend was also worried about this. Please don't become one of those people who mocks or ridicule my religion.
And so I had to explain to yet another person that I am not angry with Christians. There are some teachings that I think are wrong, but I thought they were wrong while I was still a believer. I do not see religion as a cancer on society although I do think that it can be used like a poison in unloving and uncaring hands. My aim is not to convert others to my cause nor do I want to be re-converted. Each person's spiritual and non-spiritual journey's are their own. I can no longer claim to believe in a God, but if you are so sure there is one then I concede that I could be wrong. However, I no longer see compelling evidence to believe that religion, particularly the Judeo-Christian-Muslim religions, are anything more than man-made. A way to explain the world around us and give us hope for an afterlife. If it makes you feel better to think that there is someone out their controlling your life and who will make all the bad things work out for good, then so be it. But do not become angry with me for not being able to believe something that feels so much like the story of Santa Clause. Yes, I do feel like I was lied to for a long time, but I also understand that it was done because everyone else believed in Santa Clause too. I am not angry at anyone, I just can't believe anymore.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.