For some reason my phone didn't charge overnight, which means that about halfway through the day it turned itself off and had to be recharged. Normally, I don't get phone calls so I don't worry about it. Of course, when I turned it back on I had four new voicemail messages. Two were from the local charity that was picking up our old couch, one was from my mother, and the last was my Pastor. In a serious voice he asked me to call him as soon as I could because he needed to discuss something important with me.
My first thought: He knows. Somehow he has figured out that I am no longer a Christian. He has found this blog. Someone I know has has told him. I don't think anyone I have told would do that, but thoughts are irrational sometimes. If anyone did inadvertently find out, it would probably be because they found this blog and through the situational clues figured out that it was me.
Instead, when he did call me back, he told me the sad news that they had fired our worship pastor. Now, if you have read previous posts you would know that I have spent a good deal of time with this man and his family. It makes me incredibly sad that the pastor, board, and him were not able to decide what role he should play as a pastor in the church or agree on certain fundamental issues when it came to the worship service. Although my church has always been very good about not gossiping or even complaining, I am sad that there wasn't a hint of this coming. Worse yet, compared to our previous worship pastor, he was so much better. He was kind and professional, which is what I expect from someone in a position of authority whether they be a manager or a pastor. In my mind, he did the job well.
Here's where things got a little weird though. "We'll get through this," the pastor said. The pastor then went on to tell me that they will be hiring someone to fill this part-position and then said, "You have musical experience right? Maybe we won't even need to hire someone from outside." This is when I had to tell him that we would no longer be attending come December.
And then I lied. Partially.
I told him that we would be moving in December and then beginning the adoption process for foster care in January. Both true. I also said that we would be seeking out a church that had more of a support base for adoption, not that my current church would be unsupportive, but we have seen how important a strong support network is. He completely understood. Of course, I will be seeking out a support base. I already have a number of people who are going to be a part of that, but it won't be in a church. It will be through the adoption agency, parenting classes, online forums, and meet-up groups. If I do attend a churche's adoption group, it would only be for the group itself, not to attend as a regular.
"Well you know what he was doing?" my husband said afterward., "He wanted you to be the worship pastor. Of course, given your....circumstances...that would be unwise."
Well....duh. It didn't even occur to me to consider it. I did tell him that I would be available for the next few weeks and would be happy to help (and I am), but that the moving on is definitely going to happen. His response, "I guess we have a few weeks then."
I really hope they find somebody who can fill the position and the responsibilities it entails. And as much as I like singing, I am glad this will be a thing of the past in 11 weeks.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.