I frequent a lot of message boards and Reddit in concerns to being an ex-Christian, in-the-closet, agnostic, atheist, humanist, unbeliever. Perhaps it is the anonymity that I enjoy, just like with this blog. Or perhaps it is knowing that I am not the only person out there who feels the way I do. I'm not sure, but being able to comment that I was homeschooled and grew up without a television and wasn't allowed to watch movies rated over PG and then have someone say, "Hey, that was me too." That's nice.
I also wish my parents knew how such a restrictive environment forced me to become super sneaky and good at lying. I learned very quickly how to delete browser history on the computer. In the trunk of my car, I stored movies that my mom said "weren't allowed in the house", watching them with friends somewhere else. I would read movie reviews about crappy PG movies and tell my mom I went and saw that instead of the actual movie I went to with friends that was PG-13. My husband has remarked that I am a bad liar, but I'm going to be really honest here...he has no idea when I am lying. He thinks he does because I have learned how to "be caught" so that people think I am a bad liar, but the truth is I am extremely good at it. Luckily for him and others, I don't really make a habit of it anymore, but in my youth....I was good. My parents trusted me to not get in trouble, and for the most part, I didn't. I wasn't partying. I've never tried drugs. Never been drunk. But I certainly did things that my super religious parents would NOT have approved of. For a while there, I felt guilty for this and was always asking for forgiveness from God. Never from them because I never told them. Now, I see that my parents were just super lucky that I was a bit of a perfectionist prude who didn't like being out of control. In other words, their strict religious parenting only worked because I had the personality to not go off the deep end. My brothers were not the same. All three went through some serious stages of rebellion. I did think it led to our deconversions (three out of four of us aren't religious now), but it most certainly led to a lot of unnecessary lies.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.