Today I made the mistake of opening the door for a Jehovah's Witness. We were expecting some friends and I thought they were early so I eagerly opened the door and was a bit annoyed by what I found on my doorstep.
Now, if I thought Jehovah's Witnesses were insufferable when I was a believer, they are ten times worse when you don't believe. You could almost see the hunger in this woman's eyes when I honestly replied that I don't believe in Jesus. She tried to hand me something about how Jesus did exist and I asked her if it mentioned anything about the gospels lying about the census and how there is no Roman, Jewish, or Greek records recording any census. She smiled this beautiful and annoying as fuck smile and said that she would love to talk to my about my questions. I politely declined. I have studied sources from antiquity to historian, theologian to atheist and the truth is, the only reason to believe that the census happened the way Matthew described it was because it's in the Bible. So fuck that.
We went back and forth. Me trying to close the door without being impolite. She smiling this condescending smile. She tried to tell me that my foundation must not have been very strong in her faith, I told her she was very very wrong about that. I was well-indoctrinated. I used to prosthelytize for my religion just like she did and I believed it. All of it. I know she doesn't believe me. Just like I used to believe, if you are no longer a believer it must mean that you never believed or at the very least, your faith was weak. She must have said she understood a dozen times, which I seriously doubt because if she did, I don't think she would be knocking on my door.
Frankly, it was an annoying conversation. In the past all I had to say was, I am a Christian and I'm not really interested in converting. If they pushed, I mentioned their cult status and again said I was not interested in converting. Conversations end pretty quickly when you suggest someone is in a cult. But by mentioning I didn't believe anything, it was seen as an open invitation, as if I must have a hole that needs to be filled.
Next time, I'm just going to pretend we aren't at home. I live on the third floor of an apartment complex. I don't have time to have stupid conversations with brainwashed idiots who pretend to understand my faith journey. By the end of the conversation, I was cold and five seconds away from slapping that stupid pandering smile off her face. Fake smiles bug that absolute shit out of me.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.