"I just believe that there has to be something out there."
This has, thus far, been the most common response when I tell people that I am no longer a god believer. Immediately after revealing that I consider myself an agnostic atheist, people will barf up this one line, triggered in some way that I don't fully understand. Remember, I am not telling hardcore Christians here. These are people that I know are living nominally religious lives and feel safe telling about my nonbelief. Yet even these people cannot quite release this notion of a god or deity. So you're a deist? I counter. I normally don't press any further than that since I don't want to turn conversations into debates.
What I want to ask is, why would you think there has to be something out there? Is it based purely on a feeling or do you have facts to back this up notion? Do you think that your cultural background that is rooted so much in Christianity has swayed you towards the idea that there must be a god even though you have obviously rejected most of the tenants of the faith? Is it because you see beauty in nature and have decided that this beauty must have a meaning and if you discover it, you will find heaven and enlightenment? Is it because you fear a universe where there is no meaning and no one controlling things?
To me, the world actually makes more sense if you don't believe there is a god controlling things. It explains why our bodies aren't perfectly and wonderfully made. It explains why our planet isn't perfectly made for us and is always trying to kill us. It explains babies with bone cancer and painful diseases. It also explains why we humans have had to evolve to take care of ourselves. It makes sense why prayers go unanswered. And it places the responsibility for the world, for others, for ourselves, squarely on the shoulders of human beings. I like this. For good or bad, the idea that we shape our world, not some unknowable being, is comforting. It means that for all our mistakes, we can make things right. And in our efforts to make things right, we will make mistakes. It means we can grow and change. It makes room for scientific advancement, social change, a healed planet, and better human beings. I don't know if it is possible for humanity to ever achieve peace, but we are capable of it. A god, particularly the Judeau-Christian god, would never achieve that. Based on the Old Testament it must be assumed that that god actually enjoys war and if real, would have us fighting each other ad naseum until the end of time. It comforts me to know that there is no evidence for that god being real, nor the thousands of others with similar personality traits.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.