Sometimes I wonder if my mother is figuring out that I am not a believer anymore. If you have been reading this blog at all you will know that my mother and I talk often and that I have shared with her some of my feelings in regards to things like healing, the church, and evolution. She certainly is not an idiot, but she also doesn't have a logical bone in her body and bases everything off of her feelings. Of course, most of the times she attributes these feelings to God talking to her.
Today she asked me to pray for her because she was on grandma duty all day and tomorrow too. I laughed and said, "Oh, you'll be fine." She said again, Pray for me. I responded with, "Why? Because you have to take care of three kids. You raised four. You've got this." Yeah, but pray for me she said again. I didn't respond, just told her I had to go and left it at that.
Now, this could very well be my mother just being herself. Completely oblivious to the fact that I am not praying nor am I agreeing to pray for anything. I haven't agreed to pray for anything in years so if she has finally figured it out, I doubt she did so on her own. My aunt, who you will recall, was told two weeks ago that I was having "a crisis in belief" and it is possible she has told my mother.
Now, to give you an idea who clueless my mother can be sometimes...
I was a good teenager, but I did things I wasn't supposed to. I am not the greatest liar, but pulling one over on my mother was easy. Most of the time the things I got in trouble for were not even things I actually did since I had a brother who was an exceptional fibber and tattletale. Turns out he was an exceptional fibber as an adult too. Sleeping around with his girlfriend. Sleeping around with her even after they broke up, to the point that when she got pregnant the only way he knew it wasn't his was because he always used protection. Drugs. Lying about drugs. Doing drugs when my parents weren't home. And my mom didn't have a clue. The bong in the middle of his bedroom was how they figured it out. He forgot to put it away after a weekend home alone. It also got him kicked out of the house. To this day she still thinks his ex-girlfriend was nice and dislikes his current girlfriend. The reason? Current girlfriend isn't a Christian and they are living in sin. Translation: Your brother no longer lies to me. I liked him and his girlfriend better when they were liars.
Perhaps she was asking me to pray for me as a test of sorts. Or maybe she has no clue and really thinks she needs extra prayers for the two days she has to spend with kids that she already takes care of at least once a week already. Whatever the case, it is always awkward when people ask me to pray for things. I quit saying I would years ago when I realized that saying I would was a lie. Even as a Christian I didn't have a daily prayer time nor did I have a prayer list and more than likely I would forget they asked me to pray for them. And I didn't think it would help anyway. My prayers were empty.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.