One would think that when you disagree with someone on so many fundamental levels, you would stop talking to them. Or at the very least, not call them four or five times a week. And yet that is exactly what I do with my mother. New favorite conversation in the best way I can remember:
Mom: I'm going to make this dress for [granddaughter #1], but there will be other grandkids so if she doesn't wear it out they can wear it too.
Me: Wait, I thought [Brother N] and [Sister-in-law] said they weren't having more kids?
Mom: No. I mean your other brothers. But that will be a long time from now.
Me: What do you mean? It could happen sooner. I mean [Brother S] does have a long-term girlfriend.
Mom: Well. (said in a rather exasperated way) Let's hope it doesn't happen like that. Let's hope he marries her first.
Me: But what if he doesn't? I mean, babies happen in and out of marriage. You should know this better than anyone.
Mom: Yes, but mine was a mistake. I love you, but I knew better. [Brother S] knows better. I don't want my grandchildren to be an accident. I hope they plan for it.
Me: But you can have children, out of wedlock, on purpose.
Mom: I hope that doesn't happen.
Me: It's not up to you though. They already live together and have been dating for years. What if they decide not to get married?
Mom: Look you know I would love my grandkids no matter how they got here, but I would prefer they got here the right way. I'm not being judgmental, that's just how God wants it.
Of course, the whole thing was completely judgmental. [Brother S] and his girlfriend seem to have a good relationship and appear to be happy with the way things are. There has been no talk of them breaking up. They love each other and enjoy each other's company. At this point they don't live together and their relationship appears to be more casual in nature, but I can see that changes if my brother goes back to school and gets a more solid job. He is also the only brother who I think would be understanding about this whole deconversion thing. And can I see my brother and his girlfriend moving in together and starting a family, sans a wedding. Yeah, I can. And will my mother be cool with it. Absolutely not. She will let him know and everyone else she knows what a huge mistake he has made. The child isn't a mistake, just all the choices that led to the creation of said child. As a form of rebellion, I am now rooting for my brother and his girlfriend to move in together and have a kid. I don't think a person's ability to parent has anything to do with a ring on a finger or vows.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.