In an effort to slowly introduce my family to my non-religion in a more planned way, I told my aunt today that I was "having a crisis of belief" and this was the reason we weren't currently going to church. I also added that it is interesting because my husband who really hates church is not having any kinds of faith issues. This was in context of her wondering what it says about someone if they don't go to church regularly.
It was a small moment, but knowing my Aunt, who always loves a good piece of gossip, this will get around. That is okay. I want it to get around. [I] am no longer going to church. [I] am having a crisis in belief. This is allowed and acceptable since most Christians admit that they too have had such crisis and are willing to let it go. They'll pray for you of course and may begin to ask questions when it seems to last longer than it should, but having doubts is fine within certain perimeters. In my world those limits are doubts in theology not god itself. I have obviously ventured far from those perimeters, but for now they can believe what they will and maybe in a few more months I will provide some more morsels of unbelief.
Additional note: Telling me you believe in miraculous healing because you are no longer intolerant of a certain food and since you can't explain it, it must be God, will not alleviate my doubts. Seriously, the 'God of the gaps' fallacy didn't work for me even when I was a Christian. There are so many physiological reasons why your body may be able to process something it couldn't before and none of them involve God. Never mind that it wasn't even a serious food allergy or something, just some intestinal distress that literally passes away. Why aren't people ever healed of the truly extraordinary? Like the regrowth of a limb or fourth stage cancer or even a serious allergy to bees? Why is it always something stupid and mundane like planter fascitis or a headache or the blip on that X-ray that may have been cancer but turned out it wasn't? It's bullshit I tell you.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.