Last night I was chatting with a friend on the phone. I see this girl a few times a month and although she is one of my more regular friends, I have not told her about my atheism. This is mostly due to the fact that this girl is basically a clone of me at the age of twenty. It's probably why I like her, even while her piety can get a bit annoying. We met at a mutual friend's party and share a similar taste in books, movies, and food. She comes to our monthly game nights even though she isn't much of a gamer. She is also a very typical Christian with ideas about homosexuality, divorce, dating, sex, etc. etc. She's not a fundamentalist by any means, but she speaks often about how she likes her church because they don't pack any punches when it comes to preaching the "tough topics". This means that they address the "sin" of homosexuality from the pulpit. To be honest, considering how much she is like my former self, I doubt she has any friends who aren't Christian. (that she knows of. bwahahaha)
Last night she kept trying to convince me to take our Messianic Jewish son to church in order to "expose him" and let him make the "decision for himself". I gave her the usual we-aren't-missionary-adopting spiel, but she would not abate. You're not forcing him, just showing him other options. He's basically a Christian anyway so what will it hurt? Maybe he needs god in his life. He should be exposed to church so that he can learn more about religion. I now switched to explaining trauma and attachment. In my mind, forcing religion on a kid when they are this vulnerable is religious manipulation at its worst. He needs to figure out who he is, deal with his abandonment issues, and find a moral balance that isn't created by giving him a sin-complex. I don't want my emotionally vulnerable kid to go to church or youth group and them tell him what a horrible person he is for having had sex. I don't want them to poison him the notion that he is a horrible depraved person who deserves to die. That message is not good for a kid with already low self-esteem. And yeah, I did say all this to her because Christians don't get it. If you are going to convert to a religion it should be done through careful study and thought, not at the lowest point of your life. If you are going to live your life according to an ancient document, you need to understand what it says and believe it. I've seen people converted in the height of emotion. They are the ones who become extreme. There is no logic behind their actions. No thought. As for attachment, implying that he needs to choose our religion or lack of one, to become part of our family is reprehensible. I don't think it is right that my sister-in-law has done it with the teenager who moved into their home this year. He needs to know we will love him no matter what he believes. He needs to know that even though I am an atheist, he is a Jew, and my husband is a Christian...that we accept each other as is. No one needs to convert. No one needs to be bitter or angry about it.
Of course, as this usually does, this makes people wonder about my current church status. You know...because if you aren't actively trying to convert your children, you must be neglecting your own faith. I have become very good at telling the truth without telling the whole truth. I told her how I had not made any lasting church friendships, despite being actively involved in all my churches. The grand total of church former fellow church goers I see on a regular basis are: One. Just one. That's after attending churches for twenty-seven years. I talked about not ever fitting in, of rarely finding a kindred spirit. I told her how church had become a chore, something I had to do. I spoke of experiences I had had outside the church that felt more "spiritual" than anything I had ever experienced within the four walls of a church building. I told her about our weekly Sunday brunch where we all cook together and how relaxing it is. How nice it is to not have to rush off to church, spend time with my husband and son, and enjoy a morning together. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. There is no church or religion that can replace those times together. In fact, I wasted a lot of time in the church doing nothing and I am happy to finally be living life.
This is a personal, but secret, blog archiving my deconversion from a Christian to a non-believer.